I hate Bill O’Reilly. Which doesn’t explain really why I stop clicking the remote as soon as I see that haughty face of his on Fox News Channel. But I must hear what he has to say next, whether while trying to terrorize his quests or disgorging platitudes for all his viewers to lap up. I can’t help it. And I’m not even American.

Just this morning, I watched with glee as O’Reilly ranted at how Time magazine came up with its list of 100 most influential people in the world. In his usual belligerent mode, Kill Bill spewed vitriol and toxic wit at two Time editors, who, in turn, were composed enough to give compelling answers. One against two and the bout is dead even. Here was a classic prizefight unfolding.

Then the phone rang – our telephone rang – in the middle of O’Reilly’s tirade. It was my wife. She wanted to talk. In the middle of O’Reilly’s tirade. How can she do this to me? I love my wife but had to cut her short (“Talk to you later dear, Bin Laden’s just been caught and it’s on BBC”). I was sure O’Reilly was up to something.

Luckily for me, O’Reilly was still at it, but this time he was like an Abrams tank gone haywire. Kofi Annan, he said, shouldn’t be on the list, citing the UN’s oil for food mess. Al Jazeera, the arabic news channel, shouldn’t be on the list because putting it in there is utterly anti-American. Sean Penn, Nicole Kidman and Simon Cowell do not influence anyone, so they have no business being in the list. The Time editors tried to explain, but Bill, in classic O’Reilly fashion, was obdurate as ever and tried to smother their answers with his brilliance.

Now why was O’Reilly so incensed over Time’s list? Simple: he wasn’t in the list. You see, Bill O’Reilly believes he is the shining light of every conservative gone astray, the beacon of righteousness and morality of New America. But to his chagrin, Bill O’Reilly, this most narcissistic of anchormen, surpassing perhaps colleague Geraldo Rivera, was ignored by the influential magazine (a sister company, by the way, of Fox competitor CNN).

The following segment had the Fox anchorwoman (pardon my lack of gender sensitivity) asking viewers to respond to their call-in poll “Should Bill O’Reilly be in the list of 100 most influential persons?” Good Lord.

I hate Bill O’ Reilly. But I love watching comedians on TV. And at heart, Bill O’Reilly, stripped of his suit, straight face and that distinguished look, is a comedian pretending to be a journalist. And nothing is as funny as a man making a fool of himself. On TV. And that I can’t afford to miss.